learned over the years that you pick your battles. I have also learned
that it is wise to ignore certain things, but when that certain thing is
something that could impact another being negatively, then I would be
doing a disservice by ignoring. I woke up this morning to a tweet by a
twitter follower of mine (blazingpearl). She had retweeted a friend who
retweeted a quote that was supposedly said by me.
Apparently
some blogs are touting the idea that I am ok with cheating. “Toni Payne
Said, do not leave a cheating man” Toni payne said its ok to cheat”. I
have NEVER in any way shape or form, condoned cheating. It is hurtful,
wrong, can be dangerous and I do not advise anybody male or female to
cheat on their mate. I know different people used different headlines to
address my tweets. I am only referring to those blogs whose headlines
on twitter said I was ok with cheating. To those who quoted me without
saying I was ok with cheating. Thanks for staying within the
professional lines. My tweets were about self love. We cant deny that
not everyone leaves a cheating spouse. The point I was trying to make
was, if you decide to stay, pleas work on loving yourself instead of
being miserable because your man is creeping. That is IF you decide to
stay. I am not here to judge anyone who wants to stay with a cheating
spouse, we all know what we can endure in life and we all know what
makes us ok as individuals. I felt
like tweeting advise that may or may not help someone that may be going
through some difficult times. You never know who is reading and I feel
some words I have stumbled on have helped me too so why not. I really
don’t want to stop tweeting advice because of some mischievous few, but
misconstruing my words on such a sensitive topic is irresponsible. Even
if you no send me, send your readers naa. All na public service abeg
abeg. I enjoy my simple life and I don’t need the extras. How many times
have they posted that “Toni Payne is achieving this” upon all the
things I have done this year alone. My podcast has been doing very well
in Naija and America, they wont write about that… na na to put bad bad
tin. God pass you jor.. lol…I digress!
about my experience because that is what I have to share. I can not
speak about someone else’s opinion or experience. Only mine!. Because I
chose not to harbor hate in my heart does not mean I have not moved on.
On the contrary, it means I have moved on perfectly fine. I do not need
to come on the public spare shouting up and down that I am in a
relationship or posting another mans picture everywhere before people
realize that I have let the past go. Letting the past go does not mean
you cant speak about it. It doesn’t mean you can use to to advise
others. Speaking about your experience in life does not mean you are
dwelling on it. It doesn’t mean you are insecure, foolish, or you dont
know what you are doing. It simply means, you are wiser, and wisdom is a
lot of times earned via learning from experience.
talk long but to the initial point i wish to address, to those who still
believe I cheated on my ex. I am sorry to disappoint you, I NEVER
cheated on my ex hubby. Its not who I am, it will never be who I am.
Tell yourself 1 million times, Toni Payne cheated, it will never make it
true. Nobody caught me in any lie, or in any bad situation, nobody
slept with anyone he was close to. Yall need to put a full stop to that
bullshit. Its old!. Sometimes, men want their freedom, and the fact is
you cant force them to stay. Same goes for women. Everyone wont have a
perfect relationship, not everyone will stay married forever, we can
only aspire to. Even those that have been married 10 years and are busy
judging others, do you know your tomorrow? naaaa you sure don’t so curb
it abeg. We can only pray, work, and hope for a good union.
address this my ex said this or that issue. Let me just say He has
NEVER for once opened his mouth to accuse me of cheating. He has NEVER
for once opened his mouth to accuse me of sleeping with anyone he knows.
If awon alaiye baje wanna use our situation then to sell their crap,
how is that my fault? The same media controlling the remote to say I
think cheating is ok, are the same who controlled the remote back then
to say his song was about me. Nobody ever called him to verify or ask
before publishing. Ill admit that we both did not handle the situation
well back then, It was the first time we would experience such. The
tension was plenty and emotions were everywhere. We should have sorted
it privately. which we did try to do but one rubbish headline and
emotions go buckwild again.I don’t
wanna sounding like I am defending him, cos he is responsible for
himself, but in all fairness to him, and because I have a conscience
that serves me well, not for once did he tweet, fb, email, interview
anything of the sort.
had absolutely nothing to do with what the media were speculating.
People took a song he did and turned it upside down. My crew MIXED AND
MASTERED the song. If it was about me, why would I allow him release it.
God gave all of us sense naa.. Some just chose not to use theirs and
chose to believe anything they read even when the facts are there to
sort through. The only thing I have blamed him for, was not coming out
on time to refute the claims and allowing it to escalate to that level,
he has since apologized SEVERALLY, we have discussed it privately as we
should have from the jump. I have accepted and moved on. I have also
apologized for losing my cool on twitter, he has since accepted and
moved on. Really, what more is there. I am not sure what people want
from me. Should I hate him forever? Should I tie him to a post and flog
him mercilessly? Should I be a wicked person and deprive him of his son?
If I remain bitter and upset, please what value will it add to my life?
Wo, my life is much more simpler than all this. Those who know me well,
know this. Those that dont understand me are the ones who will be
forever outside looking in, speculating crap. I am truly tired of this
topic but since it seems to keep popping up, i felt it is best to
finally address it properly. If anyone decides to hang on to the lie
after this, that is their own cup of tea. I have a talk show to record,
poetry to write and a child to raise. I don talk my own. FIN!..
catch any typos or errors.. take it like that. I wrote it as is…straight
from the heart.. I know most who carried the headline have no
conscience and wont bother appending but if anyone choses to take my
post and misconstrue that one too, I leave you to God.. no be chere
kambia..Se Fini
